Preparing for Your Wedding
at St. Athanasius
Congratulations! The priests and staff of St. Athanasius Parish extend to you both our sincere good wishes on your decision to join your lives together in marriage. We hope to do our best to make your wedding day as happy and memorable an occasion as possible. To assist you to plan for that very important day we have prepared these short guidelines and hope that they will help you as you take the steps to make that day a day filled with joy and happiness.
1. Who can get married in our Church?
(a) Those who are registered members of our Parish.
(b) Roman Catholics, who live within the boundaries of our Parish, but who have established no formal relationship with the parish community, should contact a member of the staff about establishing such a relationship with the parish, with a view to celebrating their marriage there.
(c) Those who live outside the Parish and are not registered members, but wish to be married at Saint Athanasius, should contact the pastor of the parish where they live, as well as the priest of Saint Athanasius.
NOTE: Members of Saint Athanasius Parish, who intend to celebrate their wedding in another parish, should contact a priest in that parish. They should also contact the priest at Saint Athanasius at least six months before the anticipated date of the wedding, if they wish to complete the necessary preparation for marriage there.
2. Initial contact with a Priest
In order to allow sufficient time to carry out the various steps of the Marriage Preparation Program in an unhurried manner, it is necessary for a couple to contact their parish priest as soon as they make the decision to marry (formal engagement) and at least six months prior to the anticipated time of their wedding.
Discussion of a tentative date for the wedding may take place during the initial contract with the priest, but the date may not be finalized until the assessment process is completed.
It is the responsibility of the engaged couple to secure the date with the church before making commitments with caterers, reception halls etc.
It is desirable that the instructional part of the preparation be completed at least two months prior to the marriage.
3. Scheduling Your Wedding
Weddings are scheduled with respect to the couple?s wishes and the availability of the church building and parish ministers. Weddings are normally scheduled on Saturdays, between the hours of 11:00 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. The church must be vacated no later than 4:00 p.m.
There are some times in the Church year when the liturgical calendar discourages or prohibits the celebration of weddings. For example, the season of Lent is a time of penance in the life of the church community and that spirit touches and colors all parish liturgy between Ash Wednesday and Easter. If a request is in conflict with the liturgical calendar, the couple will be notified immediately so that other arrangements may be made.
4. The Ministers for the Celebration
In the Roman Catholic tradition, the bride and groom minister the sacraments of marriage to one another. A priest, or deacon, and at least two witnesses are also required to be present.
Ordinarily, one of the priests on the parish staff will preside at weddings celebrated in the parish. The couple is free to approach any of the priests of the parish to make arrangements for the wedding.
On occasion, a couple may have a priest relative, a priest friend, or a deacon whom they wish to invite to preside at the wedding. In this case the couple should inform the priest of the parish early in the process. Visiting priests or deacons will be expected to observe the parish customs regarding the celebration of the sacrament.
Ring bearers and flower girls are not ministers, nor are their services required for the celebration of marriage. Couples will be asked to consider the age of children involved in these roles and whether their presence will add to or detract from the joyful solemnity of the celebration.
5. Documents Required
(a) Baptismal Certificate
If you were not baptized at Saint Athanasius Church a copy of your baptismal certificate, issued within the last six months, must be obtained from the Church of your Baptism. Copies of baptismal records may be obtained by contacting the proper parish in person, by phone or by mail.
If one of the parties is a member of another Christian Church some record of baptism is also required
(b) Other Documents
Each engaged couple must meet with the priest to fill out various papers. This is part of the process of determining your freedom to marry in the church and recording your marriage in the parish archives.
The paperwork consists mostly of the gathering of the biographical information and your testimony, under oath, of your intentions to enter into a Christian marriage according to the teaching of our church. The testimony of one parent, or family member, or a close, longstanding friend is also required for each member.
If one party to the marriage is not a member of our faith and/or church, other forms will be required. Any and all questions in this regard can be answered in consultation with the priest helping you to prepare for your marriage.
(c) The Marriage License
The engaged couple should obtain a civil license in good time. It should be presented to the officiating priest at the time of the rehearsal.
6. Preparation for your Marriage
There are four parts to the preparation for your marriage:
(a) A number of meetings with the priest, during which a Pre-Marital Inventory is administered and discussed, the necessary documentation is completed, and the wedding ceremony is discussed and planned.
(b) Attendance at either (I) an Engaged Encounter Weekend, or, if that is not possible, (II) a series of classes organized by the parish.
(c) Attendance at an information session on Natural Family Planning. (O?Connor Hospital, Center for life (408) 947-2727)
(d) The Rehearsal. This is generally held on an evening preceeding the wedding day. All who will be taking part in the wedding ceremony are expected to be there.
7. Preparing for the Wedding Ceremony
(a) Liturgy
In consultation with the priest the couple will determine if the marriage is to be celebrated at Mass or in a Liturgy of the Word. The determining criteria will center around what form of liturgy will best enable a particular wedding assembly to celebrate with the bride and groom.
The couple will be provided with copies of those scripture readings most appropriate for use at weddings. In consultation with the priest the engaged couple will select two or three passages from scripture. Non-scriptural passages are never used in place of the scriptures.
The staff member who helps the couple prepare the wedding liturgy will be available to respond to particular requests they might make regarding the celebration of their wedding. Weddings celebrated at Saint Athanasius Parish are celebrated according to the worship books of the Roman Catholic church: the sacramentary, the lectionary and the Rite of Marriage. In the case of weddings where ministers of other Christian denominations or other faiths are taking
part, the appropriate adaptations will be made after consultation with that minister and the engaged couple.
(b) Church Decoration
1. If you wish to have flowers in the sanctuary, it is your responsibility to make arrangements with the florist. Flowers of any sort may not be placed upon the altar itself. Simplicity should be the key to the decoration of the sanctuary. Arches and streamers are discouraged. Normally flowers placed in the sanctuary for the ceremony should not be removed.
2. Bows, ribbons or flower bouquets may be placed on the edges of the pews in the center aisle. Regular masking tape or rubber bands should be used to attach them. Under no circumstances should scotch tape or other adhesive tape be used.
3. The use of an aisle runner is discouraged because "rolling out a white carpet" gives the appearance of separating the procession of ministers and attendants as a elite group from the assembly.
4. To avoid any hazard to safety and to minimize custodial work, the throwing of rice, confetti, bird seed or flower petals is not allowed, inside or outside the church. The guests at the wedding party should be informed of this in good time.
(c) Music
1. The choice of music should be discussed with the priest prior to the rehearsal, so that the hymns and songs used are in good taste and in keeping with the religious nature of the occasion. Because of the religious character of your wedding in church secular songs and music however beautiful in themselves, are not appropriate. You are encouraged to use instead the very large and diverse repertoire of sacred and religious music. The priest and the church musician will be able to help you in this matter.
2. The couple will make arrangements directly with the organist/pianist and the singer. (Our church organist, Mrs. Margaret Grapp, is generally available for weddings. You may call her at (650) 967-0464)
3. If a couple wishes to bring their own organist/pianist and/or singer, they are welcome to do so. These artists should, however, be familiar with our Catholic musical tradition and the requirements of our liturgy.
(d) Photography and Videotaping
In order to avoid intrusion and to preserve the solemnity of the religious ceremony the following guidelines are to be observed by photographers during the wedding ceremony.
1. Still Photography
(1) Only one photographer is allowed to be active at any time in the Church.
(2) Flash pictures are allowed during the entrance and exit processions and for the posed pictures after the ceremony; at no other time.
(3) Non-flash photographs may be taken from a fixed, pre-arranged position during the actual exchange of vows.
(4) The photographer may not wander around the Church during the ceremony. At no time may the photographer enter the sanctuary, approach the altar beyond the first pew, or stand on the seats.
(5) No photographs may be taken between the exchange of vows and the final blessing.
(6) After the celebration, and with respect for the schedule of other weddings or parish masses, the church will be available for the taking of pictures. This should be done in as respectful a way as possible, never losing sight of the fact that it is happening in a church.
2. Video Cameras
(1) No more than two video cameras will be allowed in the church and they must remain in a stationary, pre-arranged position. They should not block the aisles.
(2) No remote cameras will be allowed to circulate in the church during the ceremony.
(3) No extra lighting may be brought into the Church for video photography.
Any worship aid which the couple prepares and distributes should contain a note asking guests to refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony.
8. Offering to the Church
The customary donation to the church for a wedding is $200. The suggested donation the for documentation alone (wedding takes place elsewhere) is $50 per party.
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